Finally

I now have a better and clearer understanding in why women stay in abusive relationships. Starting with one of the first article I wrote about in this blog and the fact that doctors, or nurses are not always properly trained to deal with this. Also the fact that they ask when women come in with bruises or cuts. Women not feeling comfortable enough to know that they "official" they are telling will help them is something very important in understanding why they do not always go to authority. Besides that we can see the significant impact that having children causes when women want to leave but cannot. In the beginning I thought it was because they wanted the picture perfect family picture. While in reality it the fact that because many of these women do not have their own homes they become homeless, and then lose custody of their children (or that is what they think). Women who stay in domestic violence have ways to pull through the abuse, and that same mechanism they use do defend there abuser is the same way they find the power to leave. The process of leaving is a hard thing to come through and society does not make it easier as stated in my last blog. Love can be blind and can sometimes kill. What I was hoping from this blog is getting a better understanding for why women stayed i domestic relationship and I feel as tough I have succeeded. Now what I hope my blog can do is help women in domestic relationships understand that there are ways that they can leave that will secure there families, or them. I also hope that if any women who is currently or did go through domestic violence know that I understand why they have kept that position and know to look and think if it is worth staying in. Love can be blind but it shouldn't be deadly.

Society's Recognition

As you guys are aware I am trying to understand why women stay in domestic violent relationships, and I now think that the problem is not knowing why women stay in abusive relationship, but why society thinks that women who stay are almost asking for the years of abuse. I noticed that society shows women in domestic violent relationships having alternatives. However when they do this they show the easy road. When I mean the easy road I mean the fact that they always say is that help is a phone call away. Although, as I now know it is a difficult, scary, not guaranteed road. The idea that these women know that they will receive the help and outcome they want is not always true. Also the process to actually see that you partnership is no longer working, and that the love that you believe was there is actually not is hard. Especially women who had years when there husbands were "normal", because they feel and think that the man they first met is somewhere "in there" and they can get him back. Also if a women has a family it can put a big strain in why women would feel the need to stay. Overall society does not play a good role in showing these reasons. Instead they state one should be able to get out of these relationship fast.
I remember watching a Lifetime movie about a teenage girl who dies because of her abusive boyfriend, and at the end the actress states that when people are in these relationships to find help. Besides that she also state for friends that know about these relationships to state something. Although reality is that many of these domestic violent cases the women is isolated or she plays a good role in acting like everything is perfect. In other words she does not want to say anything which is understandable now to me. In conclusion I think in order for us to help women in domestic violent relationships society has to accept that getting out or looking for help is not so black and white when dealing with domestic violent women.

Signs

As I keep understanding better why women stay in domestic violent relationships I thought it would be interesting what signs people should be aware off before it leads to domestic violence. Based on domesticviolence.org we get a list of things that we should be aware off. For example there is a lot of tension and you find yourself trying to keep the partner calm before you think something is going to occur. Also if your partner ever hit you and blames you, or states it will never happen again the reality of it is it can occur again. Besides that if does occur again that is your signal to get out of the relationship. I recommend this website for anyone who needs help, or have any questions towards domestic violence.
I also think it is important to state that when guy friends also play rough with you that is not a great idea. Going to the college I go too I see a lot of girls and guys rough playing, which I use to do myself. However, this is an entrance for people to disrespect each other. Calling derogatory names to each other is not a way to play with each other. This can lead to a form of emotional abuse. Overall I think that boys and girls in general have to realize that it is not correct to "play fight" or call each other names in order to have fun.

Complex relationship between dependency and domestic violence

This article looks at the dependency financially on women or men and how that plays a valid role in domestic partnership abuse. This article also notices that dependency is only one factor of domestic abuse, and that there are many more. However, dependency is a strong factor and for that reason learning and studying this topic can help construct some necessities for these types of depending relationships, and also change some social policies. Also the need for dependency help in victimization, and letting the abuser get abuse because of the lack of “help” they are bringing to the family. I think this is interesting train of thought that women can have in staying in these relationships. If you are living off the spouse who is aggressive and violent towards you, how can you complain when your basic necessities come from him? Not true, if we think many of these women who are stay at home mothers have a bigger work than many people think. Maintaining a household is a critical and complex job, and also the idea that while you are maintaining your home you also have to make sure you look the part. Another interesting note is the fact that these women feel powerless in searching for help, and looking for authority because they feel that their financial background is not going to help them in the long run. Which I can understand this mind set especially because as the saying goes money can talk, especially if these women go for divorce and want custody of their children but there partner has a solid job and is financially stable. Although I think the way society should respond to this, is showing the stories of women who have succeed in receiving help, and separation from their domestic abuser. Overall I think my goal in understanding why women stay in domestic relationship is coming close to the end. I can see how society has constructed factors in making women think they have no choice but to stay in these unhealthy relationships.

Gender, Status, and domestic violence: an integration of feminist and family violence approaches

This article searches for which side is right when looking at domestic violence/ family violence, whether family researchers or feminist. Family researchers believe that structural inequality has an important role in creating tensions between the families, while feminist believe that the struggle of power and imbalance of men and women are to blame. The conclusion of this research is both sides have valid points and in order to fine an underlying answer of which one is more correct would require more research. There are many elements that play in structure of inequality such as lack of education, low income, age, race, and resources. Gender however, plays with the way they view society, creating the power struggle of income, race, and social status. Based on this article I think that both sides are correct in looking at Domestic Violence. I think that the structural inequality (violence) that certain families have create tensions between the partners, and can cause other problems such as power struggle. I believe that before society blames one thing, they should look at the interconnection. Overall I think that culture has a lot to do with Domestic Violence, how we view it and how we understand it. Culture can create a family structure that is unequal or gives one sex a bigger importance or roles based on the cultural structure. Then this family structure can have male’s roles to have a bigger, dominant play, or make the men seem like they are victims, to society’s inequalities. What I am trying to get at is Domestic Violence is a complex issue, and instead of looking for one answer to why it occurs we should look for the cultural affects. In doing so we can all get a better understanding of why women stay in these types of relationships.

The Voiceness

In my discovery to understand the reason why women stay in domestic Violence i jumped to the website through the hotline called Courage Network where women come together to share poems, stories, and insight in Domestic Violence. There I came through an insight by the Voiceness where they explain that people go to relationships not really knowing themselves, and sometimes that causes them to not really know there partner, and I couldn't agree more. They state that we pour our hearts and life in their hands hoping they will completely understand you. However, how can they when we don't even know who we are as a person. This makes complete of why some women in domestic violence don't really know their partner causing them to meet them in a harsher way, where they then feel it is too late to escape. It is like Voiceness states we must first love ourselves in order to ever be love by someone else. We as people have the problem of looking for love at all the wrong places because we ourselves don't know what we want. Maybe these women stay because they think they know what they want, and feel that their partner knows them the best. When in reality maybe their partner took advantage of this vulnerability and causes them to feel safe in an ironic way. As stated in my other blogs I am seeing the factors that might play a role into causing women to stay and doing so I am understanding that the decision is not easy and difficult to make, especially in this situation when you feel that the only person that understands you is actually harming you instead.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

I went on the National Domestic Violence Hotline official website and was quickly socked to see a red alert button. It finally hit me that this is a real problem, and that when women finally want to get out of this situation they need to know how to do it. The tab before you on the official pages states that if you press the button you will immediately be sent to another website and that their computer will be able to track down where you are. This must be the scariest thing that women have to do when they finally want to leave. To feel the tension of being caught, or that their partner will later discover what they looked at. I cannot imagine being watched tot the point where I can't ask help from people because the person might just be behind me to hurt me and make me pay the consequences. I just want to say to these women that read my blog and are in a domestic violent relationship to feel comfortable to use this link as a way to get help. It is never to late to make the first step in changing your life. http://www.ndvh.org/ I also went to other websites but this is the best I have seen, they made me feel comfortable and safe by just being on the page. They also gave information about what is considered domestic abuse. I also never really looked at teen relationship violence and they also have help for that. Besides the help they give stories, and blogs. These women give their experience about their own relationships or their parents, which I think is useful for women in these types of relationship feel comfortable discussing and sharing their own stories, and hopefully move towards getting help instead of staying in these relationships.