The Voiceness

In my discovery to understand the reason why women stay in domestic Violence i jumped to the website through the hotline called Courage Network where women come together to share poems, stories, and insight in Domestic Violence. There I came through an insight by the Voiceness where they explain that people go to relationships not really knowing themselves, and sometimes that causes them to not really know there partner, and I couldn't agree more. They state that we pour our hearts and life in their hands hoping they will completely understand you. However, how can they when we don't even know who we are as a person. This makes complete of why some women in domestic violence don't really know their partner causing them to meet them in a harsher way, where they then feel it is too late to escape. It is like Voiceness states we must first love ourselves in order to ever be love by someone else. We as people have the problem of looking for love at all the wrong places because we ourselves don't know what we want. Maybe these women stay because they think they know what they want, and feel that their partner knows them the best. When in reality maybe their partner took advantage of this vulnerability and causes them to feel safe in an ironic way. As stated in my other blogs I am seeing the factors that might play a role into causing women to stay and doing so I am understanding that the decision is not easy and difficult to make, especially in this situation when you feel that the only person that understands you is actually harming you instead.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

I went on the National Domestic Violence Hotline official website and was quickly socked to see a red alert button. It finally hit me that this is a real problem, and that when women finally want to get out of this situation they need to know how to do it. The tab before you on the official pages states that if you press the button you will immediately be sent to another website and that their computer will be able to track down where you are. This must be the scariest thing that women have to do when they finally want to leave. To feel the tension of being caught, or that their partner will later discover what they looked at. I cannot imagine being watched tot the point where I can't ask help from people because the person might just be behind me to hurt me and make me pay the consequences. I just want to say to these women that read my blog and are in a domestic violent relationship to feel comfortable to use this link as a way to get help. It is never to late to make the first step in changing your life. http://www.ndvh.org/ I also went to other websites but this is the best I have seen, they made me feel comfortable and safe by just being on the page. They also gave information about what is considered domestic abuse. I also never really looked at teen relationship violence and they also have help for that. Besides the help they give stories, and blogs. These women give their experience about their own relationships or their parents, which I think is useful for women in these types of relationship feel comfortable discussing and sharing their own stories, and hopefully move towards getting help instead of staying in these relationships.

Who Notices

Recently I watched videos stating that society sometimes does not see when women are in domestic violent relationships. This kept me thinking maybe that is why many women do not want to admit or reach for help when they are in these types of relationships. If we see a bruised on a person we do not always associate it with her being in an abusive relationship or that she has been hurt by her partner, and maybe that is where we come at fault. I know the question to someones love one, friend, and etc is hard to ask about being hurt by their partner. However, maybe these women need for people to reach out in order for them seek for some kind of help. Knowing that people have your side and are there for any type of support can make a big significance for anyone to do something in their life. Based on a study of Nancy K. Snugg, Robert S. Thompson, Diane C. Thompson, Roland Maiuro, and Federick P. Rivers suggest that not all physicians and nurses know how to handle the thought of domestic violence, causing patients feeling unable to open up or prepared to handle the situation. By making our physicians properly ready to approach the idea of domestic violence to their patients, they are telling them I am here, feel comfortable to tell me, and I will help you. I can see how this is another factor in why women might stay, because maybe they don't have people to lean, and depend on for help.

"Leaving Abusive Relationships:Constructions of Self and Situation by Abused Women"

So as my blogs states I am trying to understand why women stay in abusive relationships, I have done a little research. Based on this article written by Andrew R. Baly I learned that many of these women that stay in these abusive relationships are a cause by the social and cultural constructions. The article concludes that many of these women can stay in these types of relationships as a fulfillment of being a woman. These types of women would go through a process in their mind to analyze what they were doing wrong in the relationship to make their men react the way they did. This article viewed that these women who use romantic and femininity discourses, tended to have the need to defend their abuser because they did not want to be viewed weak by society. In my opinion however a women should never consider herself weak because she is physically or mentally being hurt by her spouse. Although I do understand how this mindset might come from. Society has become very public about the idea that women are just as strong as men and that they can handle any situation. So what happens when this type of imagery is placed to the public, it becomes harder for women to leave without them thinking that the public sphere is criticizing their ability to control the environment they have created? I still don’t completely grasp why women are staying but I do see a factor that plays a role to their decision.

Why Stay

I have decided to create a blog where I can get a better understanding of why women stay in domestic violent relationships. Perhaps because I come from this generation I do not capture the concept of staying where a man is belittling you, or finds it necessary to use force in order to make his point. One of the first lessons many of us learn as children is if someone hits you tell the teacher or authorities. That mind set has completely changed now. I never got to meet my grandfathers and do not really know if I would have liked to meet them, for they both use to physically abusive my grandmothers. When my parents told me this information I had asked them why they stayed so long, and the response went as followed;"They stayed for us, because they knew the family was important". However, in my eyes how is keeping a family together great when all the people are experience is violence. I have also read literature where women state that they stayed because of social construction. For example one spoke about how life for African American men was hard and challenging, and by telling the authorities they were just making things worse for their partner. Although, in my mind I do not see how they can feel pity for someone that does not pity her when he beats her. This is why I created this blog, I want people to challenge my ideal and make me learn new things. Maybe there is a justification for staying in these relationships and I'm not viewing it properly.